One Monday morning Joyce Hellmann, who lived three houses down our street and with whom we had an off and on friendly relationship, rang my bell. She'd come for a friendly chat. After an hour of small talk she handed me an envelope, saying that she and her family were moving away on Wednesday, and asked me to read the contents of the envelope on Tuesday morning and not before 9 o'clock.Well, curiosity got me, and Tuesday at 9 o'clock sharp I opened the envelope and the letter read:Dear BrendaI'm a slut and it takes a slut to know another slut. You are a slut too. I've followed your growing "career" at the parking lot of the Twilight Zone and have seen you at several hotels in the area. I must say that you are not too discreet, because if I know what you do then others probably know too.At this point I suddenly got scared. If any of our friends found out like Joyce did, I was in deep trouble. But I read on.There is a big difference though between you and me, that makes me an even. .." She shook away the memories. "You needed to know early that your fingers are no substitute for a penis -- or even a tongue! That's why I sent Ted up to finish the job last night -- it is really fortunate that you managed to find him."Claudette frowned. "You've said that a couple of times now, Mom. Why?"Charlotte sighed. "In the first place, there are the attributes that you have identified. In the second, there is the issue of his smell. And finally, there are the attributes that I discovered in my conversation with him..." Like what?" You're an adult now," Charlotte replied, "so I plan to limit my verbal abuse of you -- but there are certain realities, here... He's smarter than you, for one thing." Mom!" I wasn't being nasty, I was stating facts. He also has a certain predatory instinct, and the grit to do whatever is necessary to move forward with a plan once it is conceived. This could be invaluable, not only to you, but to all of us." Charlotte replied."I fail to..." Surely.
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